A late start jumping back into the 5 minute Friday writing challenge.

First, it's Sunday (not Friday). And, it's been about a year since my last post. I need to do this.  I want to do this.  This brought me joy, kept me vulnerable and made me feel brave all at the same time. Why do we struggle to do the things we know are good for us?   Here we go.  A fresh start.  It's not even January 1st.  Yay! Go, me....getting a 10 month jump start on a New Year's resolution!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Friday 5 minute prompt: Visit

Go!

Have you had a visit with a friend you haven't seen in a long time? Like, a Loooonnng time?  I did, several of them, last spring. Good friends. Such good friends.  I hadn't seen them in probably 5 years. How the times flies.  I couldn't believe it. We had such a delightful evening with good friends, great conversation and the evening went by way too quickly.  But mixed in the space of happiness and laughter and catching up with the latest what-we-have-been-doing-the-past-five-years was a sadness. At least for me. A loss.  A knowing.  Of what can never really be again.  You see, we moved away. We lived there once upon a time and we had a daily, weekly rhythm to our lives. And now we live nearly 500 miles away and we just aren't going to have the same kind of relationship we once did.  A great comfort to me was the realization that all of these people were believers. When we left, one was not.  We used to pray and pray and pray that he would believe. And, in the span of a few years ago, God moved and he did! The realization that no matter how many miles apart we live and no matter if we do not see each other but every five years or so makes no difference in the light of eternity. Because friends, true friends who are believers will visit again and again and again. Their relationship, at the heart of it, which is the very best part....will never end. 

Stopping 1 minute over with a little editing on the side, because I just can't not!  ;-)  But, done!  

Lonely People

On this Five Minute Friday (somewhere...it's early Saturday morning), I saw the writing prompt , "Friend" on Lisa Jo Baker's Five Minute Friday and took this this little piece I had written last November and spent my "five minutes" polishing it up a bit and thought I'd share it below:
http://lisajobaker.com/five-minute-friday/

Lonely People

I have decided that the loneliest people are people who want to be.

Yes.  That’s right. They have no friends, no one cares about them, thinks about them or ..... the list goes on and on....all because they choose to believe that for themselves.

A man who hath friends must shew himself friendly*.  Loneliness comes from one not reaching out....from hiding oneself.  Oh it’s easy to fall into the prideful trap of “no one cares about me”, “if I try, they will just say no” and the thoughts spiral and swirl and crush....

But this is not the truth and we were meant to live and walk and breathe the truth!  Hold onto it, breathe it, live it.  “Show yourself....”  Be seen.  Be there.  Speak, laugh, love, give, help, listen....BE the person you want to have as a friend.  Yes, you will give and give and give and some days you will feel like you never get back a tenth of what you have given, but give anyway.  

A friend sticketh closer than a brother*..who is He?

 Jesus.  

Yes, He truly is the friend that never leaves, never forsakes, is always patient, always listening, always there to help in time of need.  

Do not idolize friendship. I have done this for too many years.  Yes, the Hallmark cards, facebook posts, books and TV would have you believe differently...that there is a friend who sticks closer than Christ...but it’s simply not true. Friends will disappoint. Friends will sin against you (and not ask for forgiveness).  Friends will think of themselves and not you first. Friends will.... you fill in the blank. Because, friends are human.  And so are you. But you can choose to not be lonely. It’s your choice. Do you want to be the loneliest person?  For it really is your choice.  Show yourself....be there. Be human. Make mistakes and say you are sorry and if they accept it and trust you, Great! And, if not...keeping being, keep loving, keep showing yourself friendly.  He is there. Always faithful. All forgiving. He calls you Friend. And knowing and trusting this means you are never alone.


John 15:13–15, "Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you."

*Proverbs 18:24

Five Minute Friday: Writer

It’s Friday somewhere, right?

Writer. (Ready, Set, Go)

A label.  An identity.  A hope.  A dream. Impossible.  Possible.  Already?  On my way...

What is a writer?  Is it someone who aspires to write a novel, get published?  A blogger, a journalist or just someone who must, write.  I have never considered myself a writer because I have not written short stories. I don’t write articles or even poems.  I don’t have dreams to write a novel, though I have my whole adult life thought that I would like to help people somehow by sharing my experiences and what God has taught me through a book of my own.  

I have always had to scribble something down. 

Sometimes on a document typing as fast as I can before I can hardly put my seat down.  Sometimes in a journal, a pretty one, a spiral bound cheapy one (I’ve found those are really the best) and on the nearest scrap of paper.  Why? Do I think someday I will organize all these scattered thoughts and get them together into something that will make a difference somehow? Or, is it because I simply must....write. Write to get it out. To see it. To understand. To hopefully share.  

I know I am a writer.  It just looks differently than the classic definition in my mind which I think has held me back from sharing so many years.  I am determined in 2014 to be a writer who shares. Who does not keep this to herself.  Who shows herself, little bit by little bit to the world who is already watching and not really seeing who this person is.

(Stop)

Crowd

I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for her 5 Minute Friday. This is my first Five Minute Friday post.

CROWD.  Go.

And, I have to say, five minutes is not going to be enough. I’m graciously going to give myself permission to not feel constrained as this is a giant leap of faith for me.  Rather I’ve decided to see these five minutes as a launching pad to get me started.   

I love to write....for me.  To vent, to process, to be creative and learn as I go.  But never to share.  I am pretty sure this is the next step God wants me to take.  So I'm tightrope walking it, sure He is going to once again stretch me, teach me, grow me and change me. I'm taking this risk, this Friday dare of my very own doing.

Will you take this leap and start putting yourself out there?  Yes, I will.  I told my family.  I told a friend....and then another.  My accountability set in place.  And then, the past couple days....excitement and wonder of what the word, the writing prompt would be on this very first of hopefully many Fridays to come.  And then, it's here and the word of the day is.... CROWD.  Crowd?  “Lord, help me.”  

Right away I heard, "crowd out."  Not a full sentence or even a complete thought.  And then the mind starts racing.  Roll over, roll over...and they all rolled over and one fell out and the little one said, I'm crowded, roll over.  And they all rolled over and one fell out.  Six bears in the bed and the little one said....  I’m crowded, ro-o-o-o-l over.   

Crowd out.  Crowd out what?  Flitting from one idea to another, the scattered and fear driven mind keeps racing.  Mulling it over while washing the dishes and dishing up dinner.  Crowds are exciting.  ? Crowds are overwhelming. Crowds are energizing. Crowds make me feel claustrophobic.  ?  

Pressure is on, what will I write about?  This is the first time I'm putting myself out there and I'm contemplating typing about little bears rolling one by one off the edge of a bed?  Lord, I want to use this gift, such that it is.  For You.  If I'm going to do this, it's got to be Your work.  And what I'm hearing is confusing.  Whenever I usually write.... for myself,  I feel relaxed, at peace and the words just come. But now I am feeling overwhelmed by the possibilities, tense with the knowledge that others will read it and crippled by the perfectionist tendencies that may never see this through. God, I need Your clarity.  I need to just step out, imperfect as it is. Please give me the words to share at least one thing that is true.

And, it comes.  THEY are the crowd, the confusing ones.  The ones that crowd out.  They are the bad company that corrupts good character. You know, the ones that push in on, and push out the truth? We listen to them and they shove and intimidate.  Laughing at you, they name call and tell you to give up.  Loud and obnoxious, they cause confusion and fear.  But the still, soft, sure and steady voice of Truth tells me not to listen to the lies of the Liar.  

All the while, the bully is right there crouching,

"You'll never be a writer."

"Give up right now, this was a stupid idea"    ("...besides, it's easier and more comfortable to just give up.")  

“This is so overwhelming, you don’t know where to start. So don’t.”

The Bully reminds me of my lack of training and skill.  The Truth Teller reassures my anxious heart that we are all a work in progress and there is always hope for growth and learning.  Besides, my resources are huge in Christ!  

The truth sets me free and gives me wings. The lies enslave, intimidate and dash my hope.  

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

And, that is straight from the Truth Teller. The One who creates space, pushes back the crowd, gives you air to breathe and promises to prosper. And, the little bears, yes the ones that look so cute and cuddly sometimes?  They can keep rolling off the bed one by one till all I'm left with is plenty of room for rest.  

Stop.  WAY more than 5 minutes later.

A different kind of beauty...

Finally getting around to journaling about the Clothing Fast weeks.  I survived.  And, guess what? Not one person mentioned that I had been wearing the same things for 12 days...I don't even think my family noticed.  It was easy in the sense that I didn't have to think about what to wear at all...there weren't many choices.  But, I actually think I spent more time thinking about clothing than I quite possibly ever have.  It started out innocently and with good intentions...

I started out conducting searches on Capsule wardrobes.  I love the concept of shopping for items that will all mix and match, taking more time to really think and plan for clothing choices that fit my lifestyle, coloring, personality, etc.  Instead of my usual, let's go out and  buy something new for fun, or I just need want something new.

Somehow, I went from researching (spending my timely wisely) to stumbling across other fashion videos and tutorials and quickly getting addicted to watching them. I started a list of items I want to buy...to put together a planned wardrobe.  And although I don't think this is unwise, I really kind of starting obsessing about it. It was on my mind a lot and I was thinking about what things I wanted or "needed" (to buy as soon as this clothing fast thing was over!) right before going to bed....when I usually would pray instead.  And, so my mind went from being focused on praying to being distracted with clothing and accessories, shoes, etc.   

How did this "fasting" of clothes turn my heart and mind away from the Lord instead of turning it to Him?   How weak in the flesh am I?  How I need the Lord.  

And, so the Lord showed me this when I thought I wasn't really learning much or sacrificing much at all.  I learned how quickly I went to something else to fill that empty space...the exact opposite of what I should have been doing.  I should have been minimizing to allow my time and focus to be on the Lord and what He wanted to teach me.  Thank heavens He, in His rich grace taught me.... whether I was really seeking it or not.  

Here are some other take aways from Chapter 2, Clothes Fast: I have too many clothes and I have already gotten rid of two garbage bags of just my things.  I have organized my closet and hung everything on hangers backward.  I am really going to try to continue to purge every couple of months, getting rid of the things that I just don't wear.  I am going to make my future purchases smarter....I will put my list to good use, being more mindful to make smarter purchases.

I didn't buy a new dress for this Easter.  I wore a dress that I bought last year and had not yet worn.  And...I didn't really like it. (It's probably why I haven't worn it yet).  I bought it when I was with someone else.   I'm starting to realize that I often buy things when I am shopping with others just for fun. They tell me it looks good and I buy it.  But, maybe it's not "my" style or doesn't fit my lifestyle.  I am not blaming them for my purchases, I am just realizing that I may be putting too much emphasis on either pleasing other people or getting caught up in the feeling of the moment.  I end up with a lot of clothing that is either a really good deal because I bought it on clearance or got it at a thrift store or swap shop and yet I don't wear a lot of it.  I want to be more mindful to buy pieces that are well thought out ahead of time, that coordinate with at least three other items (a tip I picked up in all my research) and that fit my personality, body type and lifestyle. A quote that resonated with me from Chapter two: 

 "I wish women could regularly enjoy this freedom together liberated from competition and comparison.  There is something so marvelous about women comfortable in their own skin."    I want to dress in a way that makes me more of me...and not trying to "fit in" or dress to impress.  "When the jars of clay remember they are jars of clay, the treasure within gets all the glory, which seems somehow more fitting."

I was reminded that what I really need to be clothed with 

on a daily basis is compassion.

And here's something else that happened this week....

totally unplanned.  I reconciled with a friend.  

For nearly a year now, we have been kind to each other, talking and trying to chat in church from time to time and knowing all the while that there was something brewing under the surface. Her and I, we knew it...but we pretended we didn't.  We had been hurt by one another and we tried to let it go.  We both tried to over look and move on and be the good Christian sisters we are supposed to be.  But, something had changed and we, who had spent so much time together, laughing and telling our life stories and secrets and dreams....grew to be polite and surfacy and sweet...but not real.  We had even tried to get together a few times and act if nothing had happened.  But, it did...and we knew it....and it didn't work.  This has been going on nearly a year now.  
So, the other day, we got together again...to go for a walk, to chat and pretend that we were trying to be a good friendly church friend to each other and something she said, something she did....made me really miss her friendship and made me realize how badly I had been treating her, in my mind and in my body language and in my heart.  My words may have sounded sweet, but heart was beating jealousy and bitterness, unforgiveness and hurt.  We returned to her house, she offered me a cookie, which meant, "I want you to stay awhile like you used to and we can chat some more..." ,but I said, "oh no, thanks...I really should be going." And....I left.  

And, I drove away and the Lord turned my car around. 

Literally, I drove.... and in less than a mile, I was turning around and I parked and I walked right into her house like I used to (without knocking politely) and I tore off my coat and I told her we needed to talk.  I told her I didn't know what to say, but the Lord brought me back here.  I told her I knew things weren't the way they used to be between us and I wasn't quite sure why, but I knew I was at fault and I knew I wanted things to be the way they used to be.  
She looked at me and said she knew.  She knew...and she hadn't known what to do either.   We both had known.  We cried, we confessed, we prayed....we are restored.  We are grateful.  I had been hurtful, in my heart and mind, in my conversations to my husband about her.  We had allowed something that happened between our daughters to tear us apart...each wanting to protect their own had judged and criticized and believed a lie.   

I just went back through this chapter (two) to see what things I had underlined, more words that had resonated with me.  These words .... "I want to belong to a Christian community known for a different kind of beauty, the kind that heals and inspires."   

Do you know what?  Before meeting this woman to go for a walk, I did my make up...I made sure I looked casually good enough to walk and talk with her.  I felt intimidated, she's appears to be so naturally beautiful and stylish.  Well, guess what?  When we were out on our walk, it started to sprinkle, then rain and more RAIN and actually hailed!  We were a mess...straight, wet hair, make up washed away.  This is how we were when we had that conversation... our masks washed away.  Isn't that beautiful?  The Lord stripped us down to ourselves and we cared enough to heal.

I am grateful that the Lord led us to heal our relationship this week.  Satan wants us to be divided and kept apart...he wants the church bickering and fighting and not getting along, not being real....the body destroying itself.  I am thankful for the Cross that heals and changes and grows us to be more like Him!  And so while none of this had much to do with clothing...I don't think it's an accident that the Lord is working on my life in these areas because I am doing something seeking to be taught.   He uses everything.

Clothe yourself with Character

This morning I was spending time in God's Word, doing my homework for a study/course I am taking called Instruments in the Hands of the Redeemer by Paul David Tripp and Timothy Lane.  Which, on the side is an EXCELLENT course for anyone to take (following their other book, How People Change, which I highly recommend first) if you are interested in lay counseling or just ministering to others in general.  Anyway, like I said, I was doing my homework this very morning and no kidding....THIS is the passage that jumped out at me this morning:

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do,whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3:12-17

THIS is truly how we are to clothe ourselves.  What a great and fresh reminder of what is truly important during this Clothes Fast time.  May I be as focused on my behavior, my character as I am on the 10 items I have chosen to wear this week.  I want to "read" to you some of the things I read out of this book this morning: 

(again, referencing Instruments in the Hands of the Redeemer by Paul David Tripp and Timothy Lane.)

"In these verses Paul uses a very important metaphor, the metaphor of clothing.  Clothing is important because it covers us.  Clothing identifies us.  Clothing describes our function.  Paul is reminding us that what we wear to moments of personal ministry is as important as what we say.  ("Wear" here does not refer to physical clothes but the clothing of a Christlike character.)  Essentially, Paul is saying, "If you are going to be involved in what I am doing in the lives of others, come dressed for the job."  

"What is that clothing?  These are not just isolated items of character.  The qualities listed here add up to the character of Christ.  Paul is saying, 'You are called to put on Christ as you minister to others.'  God changes people not simply because we have said the hard words of truth to them but because those strong words were said with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and love.  When we do this, we actually become the physical evidence of the very things we are presenting to others.  When this happens, we are not only incarnating truth; we are incarnating Christ, who is with us and our only hope." 

WOW.

And, something that came to mind for me...perhaps shallow thoughts, but nonetheless I thought I'd share:   what I wear matters to me and how I feel, how I present myself to the world.  If I stay in my PJs all day or sweats and don't do my hair and makeup, I personally feel slumpy, dumpy and just don't have my head in the game.  When I get up, get dressed, do something with myself, I am ready to tackle the day in a more organized, prepared way.  

Similarly, spending time regularly in God's Word, listening to His voice and talking with Him in prayer dresses us for success God's way.  The more time we spend with Him, the more we become like Him and His character.  A good reminder for me that it is worth it to get up, get dressed in His character and start my day ready to face the world.

Clothing Fast - Chapter 2

So here I am into chapter 2, Clothing.

I, like Jen Hatmaker would not say clothing is a big deal for me.  Meaning, I do not have a lot of clothing (at least I don't think I do).  I am going to find out pretty soon because I am getting ready to go count how many pieces of clothing I actually have.  I am pretty good at regularly sorting through my and my children's clothing and getting rid of the old, tired or just plain "I'm bored of you" clothing.  But, with that comes replacing those clothes with something new or at least new to me.  A church nearby has a swap shop where I donate most of our clothing.  I usually manage to select a few "new to me" things while I am there.             

I like variety, I like change.