Crowd

I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for her 5 Minute Friday. This is my first Five Minute Friday post.

CROWD.  Go.

And, I have to say, five minutes is not going to be enough. I’m graciously going to give myself permission to not feel constrained as this is a giant leap of faith for me.  Rather I’ve decided to see these five minutes as a launching pad to get me started.   

I love to write....for me.  To vent, to process, to be creative and learn as I go.  But never to share.  I am pretty sure this is the next step God wants me to take.  So I'm tightrope walking it, sure He is going to once again stretch me, teach me, grow me and change me. I'm taking this risk, this Friday dare of my very own doing.

Will you take this leap and start putting yourself out there?  Yes, I will.  I told my family.  I told a friend....and then another.  My accountability set in place.  And then, the past couple days....excitement and wonder of what the word, the writing prompt would be on this very first of hopefully many Fridays to come.  And then, it's here and the word of the day is.... CROWD.  Crowd?  “Lord, help me.”  

Right away I heard, "crowd out."  Not a full sentence or even a complete thought.  And then the mind starts racing.  Roll over, roll over...and they all rolled over and one fell out and the little one said, I'm crowded, roll over.  And they all rolled over and one fell out.  Six bears in the bed and the little one said....  I’m crowded, ro-o-o-o-l over.   

Crowd out.  Crowd out what?  Flitting from one idea to another, the scattered and fear driven mind keeps racing.  Mulling it over while washing the dishes and dishing up dinner.  Crowds are exciting.  ? Crowds are overwhelming. Crowds are energizing. Crowds make me feel claustrophobic.  ?  

Pressure is on, what will I write about?  This is the first time I'm putting myself out there and I'm contemplating typing about little bears rolling one by one off the edge of a bed?  Lord, I want to use this gift, such that it is.  For You.  If I'm going to do this, it's got to be Your work.  And what I'm hearing is confusing.  Whenever I usually write.... for myself,  I feel relaxed, at peace and the words just come. But now I am feeling overwhelmed by the possibilities, tense with the knowledge that others will read it and crippled by the perfectionist tendencies that may never see this through. God, I need Your clarity.  I need to just step out, imperfect as it is. Please give me the words to share at least one thing that is true.

And, it comes.  THEY are the crowd, the confusing ones.  The ones that crowd out.  They are the bad company that corrupts good character. You know, the ones that push in on, and push out the truth? We listen to them and they shove and intimidate.  Laughing at you, they name call and tell you to give up.  Loud and obnoxious, they cause confusion and fear.  But the still, soft, sure and steady voice of Truth tells me not to listen to the lies of the Liar.  

All the while, the bully is right there crouching,

"You'll never be a writer."

"Give up right now, this was a stupid idea"    ("...besides, it's easier and more comfortable to just give up.")  

“This is so overwhelming, you don’t know where to start. So don’t.”

The Bully reminds me of my lack of training and skill.  The Truth Teller reassures my anxious heart that we are all a work in progress and there is always hope for growth and learning.  Besides, my resources are huge in Christ!  

The truth sets me free and gives me wings. The lies enslave, intimidate and dash my hope.  

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

And, that is straight from the Truth Teller. The One who creates space, pushes back the crowd, gives you air to breathe and promises to prosper. And, the little bears, yes the ones that look so cute and cuddly sometimes?  They can keep rolling off the bed one by one till all I'm left with is plenty of room for rest.  

Stop.  WAY more than 5 minutes later.